So anyways, I thought I might just give a little update on where my heart currently is throughout all of the commotion that seems to be going on around me. While I've been at home these past 5ish months I've made the discovery that the speed I'm at is significantly slower then the speed of those around me. Now I dont mean mentally or my acutal physical speed when I walk, I'm a very inconsistent walker, sometimes I walk fast, sometimes I walk slow, it varies really. Here is an analogy that I have created to accurately describe how I feel. So, ya know when you're walking places, lets say the boardwalk for example. Now the only boardwalk I've been to is the one at Ocean City, New Jersey, a place I have regularly visited since I was a small child. There's a lane for those to bike ride, and lane for those who are more ambitious and want to run in front of tons of people in short shorts and/or a bathing suit, and the walking lane. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure this is how it is set up, and if it isn't, well then, just go with me on this. These past couple of months I feel like I've been in the walking lane, taking my time, looking around at the wonderful, but sick looking, Jersey ocean, semi white sand, pizza places loitering every corner, always with that tune about a boardwalk stuck in my head, I think its sung by the Beach Boys. Oh also, those very dangerous looking rides that I still find myself going on though my instinct tells me to do otherwise. Well anyways, I feel like everyone else is in the fast bicycling lane, just going full speed ahead, not really slowing down for anything.
The point is this: there has been such a large disconnect that I feel between me and really, the rest of society. Not because society and I are different or don't get along but just a lack of interest of wanting to be fully engaged in society and rather wanting to enjoy each and every minute that the Lord has given me. Thankfully through being home I have been able to reconnect with some wonderful friends, those who I missed dearly while I was going and am going to miss even more when I leave. But yes, this has been quite the hindrance I feel in getting about and wanting to meet and get to know new people but I feel like its been a good thing because it kind of helps to prepare me to leave, ya know, keeping me focused as I take my time in the walking lane.
One thing that has always remained constant in these 5ish months is the faithfulness of the Lord. Through the money that needs to be raised and the ridiculously large amount of obstacles the enemy has thrown in my way, the Lord is proving to be the Rock that is so securely stuck and grounded in my heart. Through working again (someone discovered they were a lazy bum and it was definitely me) and being able to spend time with my family (it helps in a way knowing that you are leaving for such an extended amount of time to most assuredly set aside large chunks of time to hang out with them), I've discovered that while I'm in the walking lane and everyone is zooming past me, it really isn't a bad place to be at all. Though part of me was hesitant to venture back into the homeland, the Lord really impressing on my heart while I was still on campus that it was not going to be an easy 5 months, and indeed it has not, I wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to miss out on all of the small and big blessings the Lord had in store for me. Sometimes I find myself so stinkin' anxious about the worries of today and of the future that before I know it a whole day has passed and I didn't even get to thoroughly enjoy it! At that I find myself wanting to always make sure I s l o w d o w n.
No need to rush, the Lord knew all that I was going to encounter here in Pennsylvania, and He knew it was something that wasn't not past my capability of bearing, and so with that promise why should I fret or fear about things that are out of my control? (i.e. money for internship, family situations, future relationships, really my entire future and what exactly I'm going to 'do' with my life). This wonderful promise can be found in 1 Corinthians 10:13 where it reads...
"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." (ESV)
And with all of that said it brings me to the title of this 'entry' that I have rambled on about for the past bajillion paragraphs, that we should always rejoice in the Lord, no matter our circumstances, for when we are so focused on ourselves we lose sight of our true purpose and of the important things that the Lord has placed in our lives. I say this from such a weak place where I'm at, but I know for certain that the Lord really is good all the time. His mercies are new everyday and His love for His children is so abundant and never ceasing. I'm overwhelmed daily just thinking about how vast and deep and wonderfully wonderful the Lords love is for all those that He has created in His image aka EVERYONE!
I'm so undeserving, man, I screw up every like 4 minutes, if its not for the words coming out of my mouth or the thoughts racing through my head, but the beauty of it all is that the Lord is still waiting for me with open arms. So even though being home has been hard, and yea of course I've screwed up, but I know for certain and for sure that the Lord will never turn His back on me, He will never let me down, He will never break, ruin, or tarnish my trust in Him, just like so many that I come in contact have. A song that I learned while I was out at school always seems to be running through my head, it goes along the lines of, "all mens empty promises lay broken at Your feet but YOU'VE NEVER BROKEN ONE!". Oh how I love those words. The Lord will always be deserving of my praise, no matter all the nonsense that the enemy throws in my path to try and trip me up, the Lord will always be there to restore my heart. There were so many verse that I thought of when thinking of rejoicing in the Lord, also the song 'rejoice in the Lord alway and again I say rejoice, REJOICE!', I mean its a verse, but its the song that sticks in my head, I guess that was the real purpose of it. Anyways, this was my favorite one on the topic...
Psalm 105:1-5
"Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples!
Sing to him, sing praises to him; tell of all his wondrous works!
Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice!
Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!
Remember the wondrous works that he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he uttered" (ESV)
So with this, I shall end. I pray that you receive it with an open heart, and also a heart of understanding, because I know 8 times out of 10 I just dont make a lick of sense. Also, for those who have gotten to this part, thanks for reading all of it.
Also, I apologize for the fancy little button below not working, I have ultimately given up on getting that to work, well at least for now, but if you would like to give to my ministry, which would be wonderful, all you need to do is go to this website:
https://secure.bethanyinternational.org/donate/index.php
Oh yes, and please continue to pray for our team as we prepare to leave, 6 girls heading out to France for 16 months. I'm finding that I'm having issues with my Visa but I know the Lord will take care of it and already is but your prayers are always appreciated! Thanks!
